What it is about…
The goal of couple’s counseling is to establish or re-establish patterns in your life together that foster deep emotional and physical intimacy. You want a connection that feels stable, secure, and mutual, regardless of what you are facing.
When you have a relationship like that, everything gets easier.
Couples in Transition
As the kids grow up, leave home, and you move towards retirement, you plan to spend time with your partner doing all of the things you haven’t had time for. But, you realize that so much of your time and energy has been spent caring for the kids and managing your career. Through the course of time, you notice that you and your partner are not as close as you used to be.
You assume that you should know each others’ needs after being together for so long, but you feel a strange disconnect. Now, your partner feels more like a stranger, and you want to find your way back to each other.
Maybe a loss or health crisis came in to rock your world. Your adult kids need some help and you are now raising grandkids. This is not what you planned. If you can find your way back to each other, you know that you could navigate these situations more easily.
Our therapist, Ann Leach, specifically loves working with couples like you who want to find their way back to each other as they learn to navigate changing life and family circumstances.
Couples Facing Betrayal
When you and your partner got together, fell in love, and decided to make a life together, you had big dreams about the safety, security, and togetherness you would enjoy for the rest of your lives. However, you begin to recognize a sort of a push/pull dynamic. You start realizing that the connection you once hoped for seems inaccessible now. You long for it, but when you don’t get a supportive response from your partner, you naturally react to try to regain some kind of connection.
One partner pushes for connection, the other one pulls away, which tells the first that they don’t care, or at least that is the message received. The pursuer continues to fight for the connection. The withdrawer is convinced that if they stay around they might say or do something wrong, so they step back to allow space. Plus, the fervent plea for connection feels like constant criticism and blame for the withdrawer. And the cycle goes round and round.
When this cycle continually escalates each time we try to address anything of substance, it feels better to just not. We get tired of the fight. Each time we fight again reinforces that there is no path to repair.
We start thinking that maybe we are just not compatible. With everything we have experienced, we can’t trust our partner to take care of our emotional or sexual needs, so whatever resources we have naturally go to taking care of our own needs. When all of our resources are focused on taking care of our own needs, there is nothing left for our partner, and the cycle of disconnection is further enforced.
So what can we do about it?
The first step is to slow down so we can acknowledge the impact that our cycle is having on both of us. When we are steeped in our own pain, it is almost impossible to see the depth of the pain our partner is experiencing. Even if we love each other dearly, there is no space for empathy for our partner, especially if our partner’s actions are a big source of the pain. Easier said than done.
Our therapists, Ann Leach, Christina Argo, and Adam Maisen are specifically trained to help identify the cycle that kills you and your partner and bring a deeper understanding to the impact on you, your partner, and your relationship.
We explore the fears, the shame, the disappointment, and bitter pain that is under the anger.
You know the feeling. When you think about it even now, you get a sense of the discomfort and tension in your very being. We understand that this is scary, especially if you have never had any success in feeling safe in vulnerability with one another.
But, after working with hundreds of couples over the years, we have learned that healing broken connections after betrayal is much like recovery after a painful surgery. The only way to heal is through the pain. We are walking along with you every step of the way.
As you gain success in holding space for each other’s pain, then and only then can you start to feel safe enough to try to rebuild what has been damaged. Most of our clients tell us that they can begin feeling a positive shift in the energy of their relationship within the first 4-5 sessions.
Two ways to get couples therapy…
The Traditional Approach: You and your partner meet with your therapist on a weekly basis for an hour at a time, based on your needs. Ann Leach and Christina Argo provide these services. Adam Maisen is available to provide services specifically needed for betrayal recovery.
The full course of treatment is usually about 20-25 sessions, but much of this is dependent on the specific needs of the couple. In some situations, we are able to bill your medical insurance for these services.
Couple’s Intensives: This is a fast track approach, but it is not right for everyone. Couple’s intensives allow us to get about 3 months of work done in 3 days. If you elect this approach, you will have the opportunity for an extended 30 minute audio/video consult with Adam Maisen, your therapist, free of charge. This will help us decide together whether an intensive or traditional approach is better for you and your partner.
Intensives are a viable option only when both parties are highly motivated and committed to improving the marriage. If any of the following are present in your relationship, we can still help, but an intensive is not recommended: a known active affair or addiction is present, domestic violence in the home, or recent discovery of an affair. These issues are best served in traditional services initially.
If we assess that an intensive is appropriate for you, you and your partner will get exclusive access to Adam for up to 15 hours of therapy in 3 consecutive days. Intensives will be scheduled out a month from the initial consultation.
Some couples choose this option because of time constraints with work and challenges with weekly scheduling. A couple’s intensive treatment is not necessarily the end of treatment, but gives a very firm foundation for quick relief of marital distress. If you choose this option, you will grow as a couple.
While this is a very effective approach to jumpstarting your healing, it is not right for everyone. Also, insurance will not pay for it. The cost for a couple’s intensive is $4,500. You and your therapist will discuss any needs that you may have for follow up towards the end of your last day. You will be required to pay a 50% non refundable deposit upon scheduling.
What does the research say?
Whether you choose traditional or intensive services, the process that we use to work with couples is backed by research. Most couples that go through all 3 stages of therapy show continued improvement even after therapy ends without further need for services. Click here for more information.
Caveat to online services for couples
We have had great success working with our couples in the office and online. However, we have found that we are much more successful when you and your partner are in the same room. Since we want to set your relationship up for success, we do require you and your partner to be physically together during sessions. We will only provide online sessions for services provided with our traditional approach.
How do we get started?
You can reach out to us through the free consult link on this page or call us directly at 870-293-2054. When you reach out by phone, you will have the opportunity to speak with our office manager, Shannon. She will get you set up with a therapist that can see you within a week of your initial contact if you are seeking traditional couple’s therapy. If you are interested in an intensive, our intensive therapist will contact you within 24 business hours to schedule your 30 minute consultation.
Regardless of what method you use to reach us, we will do our best to contact you within 24 business hours.